My Devotional

"But for now, three things last-
Trust
Hope
Love
And the greatest of these is love
Pursue Love!"
1 Corinthians 13:13

I was flipping through my bible and just scamming some versus and came across this one that struck me, like as if lightning has struck a person. This past year was probably one of the most challenging years I have ever been faced with, and when it all started I found myself very angry, and not just angry with myself but angry with God. Instead of blaming myself, I found myself blaming the Lord. Well being angry got me no where but more miserable then I was before, and I gradually came around, took a long time but it did happen, to where I knew I had to stop being so angry and face this challenge as a lesson that needed to be taught, and I needed to learn. I started to pray again, something I have not done since I was a little girl, and I started to have hope, hope in myself, the Lord, and the situation. And then with hope came trust, I have to say this process took the longest "trusting", not just myself but God, and then not just God, but the person God had placed in my life Will. You know when a person has been lied to and hurt so many times by multiple people, they can go either way, well my way was closing a door or building a wall. A wall that I at the time did not want to be tested. But it was tested and well the wall that I thought was strong, so strong that no one could ever break down, 'failed'! I started to open up to new things and to some old things, I wasn't always so bitter, and I once had Hope, Trust and Love in God, but I seemed to let all the bad things that occurred throughout my life over come all the good, which led me to be lost. I found myself trusting in God again, and then I started to go back to church, I never realized how much I missed it, the structure, the people, and most of all the worshiping. And once I conquered those two things, came love, love in God, my family, my other half and even grew to love the challenge, because if it was not for that challenge I would not be where I am now, not in my faith, not with Will, and not HAPPY! For the fist time in along time I can say I am happy and I love my lord for everything he has done for me, and I trust in him and I have hope!! There is not a challenge the lord will put you through if he knew you could not handle it, now how your attitude is towards it, is up to you, and will determine how handle it!!

Growing Up

This picture was taken of my daughter on June 13th, 2009, at her kindergarten graduation! I cannot believe how fast time has gone by, my daughet will be in fist grade this year, all day school!! My parents and I took her school shopping and she had the biggest twinkle in her eyes picking out her school clothes and going through all of her school supplies! She has her first loose tooth and is very excited about loosing it, I am so proud to be able to say I am her mother, she truly is a one of a kind little wahine!

I can boast about her all day long but that is not the whole purpose of this blog though. What really has been brought to my attention on how much is truly is growing up, goes to a conversation I had with her a few days back! I have just recently went through a custody battle with my kids dad, who honestly has never been involve in their lives for almost five years, and then all of a sudden something happens and he all of a sudden wants custody of them, after five years of me having full custody!

Long story short we were granted joint custody how that even seems right, after him not just not being involved in their lives but also not paying custody for five years makes no since, but that is not my place to judge that is the lords I know he knows what is best. We switch weeks, I have the kids one week and him the next, with my address being there's primary so they could attend school near me so I know they are making it there on time or at all for the matter.

Well while I was cleaning and her brothers were taking a nap, Abby was in the kitchen coloring and keeping me company when all of a sudden she asks me a question I was not exactly prepared to answer, she asks "Mom why did the judge have to mean make that decision?" My instant reaction was "well Abby what exactly are you talking about?" And then she explained herself, "why did the judge make the choice where we have to go to our dad's one week and then yours the next?" In my head I am thinking is this really happening to me, am I really having this very grow up conversation with my six year old daughter!!!

I thought about it, and I explained to her the best I could, " well Abby it wasn't just the judge's decision. You see your dad and I both wanted to see you and your brother's just as much so us and the judge decided that would be best! Why do you ask for? Do you not like it?" Okay now prepare yourself Neka, let's see what her answer is, her anwser I was not exactly prepared for, " Well mom, when we are with dad he is never really home, and when we are with you we are always with you! You do fun things with us, and help me do my homework! And going back and forth is so tiring, and I do not like it!"

What do you say to six year old when she says something like that, except for ask her, "well what would you like to have happen?" And she replied back, " I want us to be with you most of the time and see my dad on the weekends!" Now that just broke my heart, this is out of my hand until 2010 when I can refile for custody, I know he is messing up, when we semi agreed to joint custody I made sure to put certain clauses in the agreement and so far he has broken every clause but one, but that is just because the kids are not in school yet. What is a mother suppose to do when her six year old daughter comes up to her and tell her pretty much she is not happy with the situaion, and it is truly out of my hand right now!! I cannot believe I had that grown up of a conversation with my six year old. It just tells me they are not as 'Naive' as many adults seem to make them as, they are very smart and very obsertive. I only wish I could make her happy sooner!! My little wahine is growing to fast maybe not her for her, but for me!! I love you my source of delight and I will do everything in my power to make things right again!!!

Sunset Surf

On the beach of La Jolla which is where I found my new love of photo ops. Nothing like a sunset surf, how amazing the feeling would be. The beach town of La Jolla is one of the most beautiful beaches and town I have ever seen, which is why it is now my new love.

We will be making the big move in 2010 to sunny San Diego (SoCal)! I have never been so excited about moving in my life, of course I was born and raised in Oregon, and never lived outside the state, and it is so rainy and gloomy here most of the time, it is quite depressing. Yes, it is beautiful in many ways, it very green, and has so many tree, the air is very refreshing but the rain and the cold out does it for me.

After visiting San Diego in April, and being able to explore all the marvelous surrounding cities and gradens, I simply fell in love and knew this is the place I want to live and raise my children!!!