Growing Up

This picture was taken of my daughter on June 13th, 2009, at her kindergarten graduation! I cannot believe how fast time has gone by, my daughet will be in fist grade this year, all day school!! My parents and I took her school shopping and she had the biggest twinkle in her eyes picking out her school clothes and going through all of her school supplies! She has her first loose tooth and is very excited about loosing it, I am so proud to be able to say I am her mother, she truly is a one of a kind little wahine!

I can boast about her all day long but that is not the whole purpose of this blog though. What really has been brought to my attention on how much is truly is growing up, goes to a conversation I had with her a few days back! I have just recently went through a custody battle with my kids dad, who honestly has never been involve in their lives for almost five years, and then all of a sudden something happens and he all of a sudden wants custody of them, after five years of me having full custody!

Long story short we were granted joint custody how that even seems right, after him not just not being involved in their lives but also not paying custody for five years makes no since, but that is not my place to judge that is the lords I know he knows what is best. We switch weeks, I have the kids one week and him the next, with my address being there's primary so they could attend school near me so I know they are making it there on time or at all for the matter.

Well while I was cleaning and her brothers were taking a nap, Abby was in the kitchen coloring and keeping me company when all of a sudden she asks me a question I was not exactly prepared to answer, she asks "Mom why did the judge have to mean make that decision?" My instant reaction was "well Abby what exactly are you talking about?" And then she explained herself, "why did the judge make the choice where we have to go to our dad's one week and then yours the next?" In my head I am thinking is this really happening to me, am I really having this very grow up conversation with my six year old daughter!!!

I thought about it, and I explained to her the best I could, " well Abby it wasn't just the judge's decision. You see your dad and I both wanted to see you and your brother's just as much so us and the judge decided that would be best! Why do you ask for? Do you not like it?" Okay now prepare yourself Neka, let's see what her answer is, her anwser I was not exactly prepared for, " Well mom, when we are with dad he is never really home, and when we are with you we are always with you! You do fun things with us, and help me do my homework! And going back and forth is so tiring, and I do not like it!"

What do you say to six year old when she says something like that, except for ask her, "well what would you like to have happen?" And she replied back, " I want us to be with you most of the time and see my dad on the weekends!" Now that just broke my heart, this is out of my hand until 2010 when I can refile for custody, I know he is messing up, when we semi agreed to joint custody I made sure to put certain clauses in the agreement and so far he has broken every clause but one, but that is just because the kids are not in school yet. What is a mother suppose to do when her six year old daughter comes up to her and tell her pretty much she is not happy with the situaion, and it is truly out of my hand right now!! I cannot believe I had that grown up of a conversation with my six year old. It just tells me they are not as 'Naive' as many adults seem to make them as, they are very smart and very obsertive. I only wish I could make her happy sooner!! My little wahine is growing to fast maybe not her for her, but for me!! I love you my source of delight and I will do everything in my power to make things right again!!!